If you live on this planet you’re guilty…

Here a few things that are bugging the hell out of me.

The Fourth of July. I don’t get or like this holiday. What are we celebrating? America’s independence from England? Big fucking deal. Every year people stuff themselves full of hot dogs, sodas, and other carcinogens and get distracted by fireworks. That’s right – distracted. It doesn’t take much to distract Americans from the truth. Some loud noises and shiny lights will do the trick.

Now, what are we really celebrating – the day a bunch of rich, white slave owners didn’t want to take orders from a bunch of rich, white, religious land owners? Wow. Great accomplishment guys. And to make it worse, we broke away from some of the finer traits the English have to offer – the ability to read, write and their dry sense of humor. I put it to you that we got cheated. We should have negotiated for more: “we’ll take this fine land (we’ll finish off the Indians ourselves) and your ability to communicate.” At least we would have ended up with a President who can speak English. Actually no, because I don’t there’s anything you can do with someone from Texas.

What the Fourth of July should really be about is all of America’s accomplishments when it comes to independence: the end of slavery, women’s right to vote, Roe vs. Wade, the Civil Rights movement, and gay marriage. If America is going to set a day aside to pat itself on the back for being strong and independent – then we should celebrate it all. This selective memory shit has to end.

* * *

If one thing needs to stop, it’s this: Putting memorials of the dearly departed on the back window of a car. Are people too fucking cheap to buy a plot or tombstone, so instead they get some stickers made up instead? Enough of this already. And if these stickers are to exist, then they only belong on hearses.

You always get the sense that the person who died was a “really special person” who touched and changed the lives all of those around them. Fine. Great. How about this instead – if said individual was so extraordinary, then emulate them on a daily basis. Be charitable, be kind, and let people know why and who you are emulating. Now if the person who died happened to be an angry, sodomizing drunk, you may want to re-think that one.

Here’s a business idea – remembering the dead on bumper stickers. That may curb (or encourage) tailgating – are you going drive too close to someone’s memorial?

* * *

I’m sick and tired of a group of sports fans collecting calling themselves a nation. You have the Raider Nation and the Red Sox Nation. Other than supporting the Raiders or the Red Sox, what other criteria do you need to be part of these nations – being loud, fat, drunk and stupid? I’m not a big fan of war, but I say let’s bomb the shit out of these nations.

On a weird convergence of remembering the dead and sports – sports themed urns, coffins or being buried at your favorite stadium is just fucking pathetic. In Europe, graveyards are actually being built next to soccer stadiums so someone can be planted next to their favorite team.

* * *

Ralph Nader says Obama tries to “talk white.” As if talking “black” makes someone less intelligible. No. We should never correlate “talking white” with being intelligent. This is a false assumption.

Ralph Nader “talks white”. He’s ignorant, thoughtless and self-absorbed.

Fuck Ralph Nader and his two dollar suits.

~ by isolemnlysweariamuptonogood on June 26, 2008.