The Atrium
What are The Bad Thoughts? It’s quite simple really.
There are some people in this world you look at and go: “yeah, I’d let them touch me.”
There are those who make you go: “hmmmmm, yummy.”
Then there are those who cause your brain to jam up, forcing you to shake your head violently to snap back to reality. It’s that certain individual, as someone eloquently stated: “…is the type of person who you just want to throw against the wall and fuck the hell out of.”
And there you are.
The Bad Thoughts.
Like I said, quite simple really.
Now for clarification, The Bad Thoughts are not dirty thoughts. The term “dirty thoughts” carries too much religious and right-wing baggage. Since lust is one of the Se7en deadly sins and sex is listed as a no-no in two of the 10 Commandments, I want to avoid language that religion and Republicans have attached shameful connotations to. And let’s be honest here, the term “dirty thoughts” is kind of passé and reeks of the 70’s. Dirty Thoughts are for those who have to slink through a mob of protesting Junior Leaguers and then into a XXX theater so they can jerk off.
Everyone is susceptible to The Bad Thoughts – including said protesting Junior Leaguers.
The Bad Thoughts do no discriminate, nor do they exclude.
The Bad Thoughts makes you do stupid shit like buying a magazine you normally never read, listen to a song over and over or watch a bad movie several times in a single day.
The Bad Thoughts gives us each a brief a moment of unrepentant bliss.
What better time for bad thoughts than the holiday season? So much bad shit happens around the holidays anyway, so why not? But after considerable thought on this matter, I must open some dialog with the esteemed author of this blog. Here is my issue with your Bad Thoughts page: Bad Thoughts are not always of a sexual nature. For the most part, your opening statement concerning this topic is mostly sexual in its intent. Sure, you leave the door open at the end for other bad thoughts regarding magazines, songs and movies (huh?). And you do clarify the fact that bad thoughts may not always be dirty thoughts. But really, there are so many other wonderful worlds of Bad Thinking. I feel this area should be all-encompassing of truly Bad Thoughts. Let me provide some examples…
Bad Thoughts = Violence. Yes, boys and girls, if you’re really honest about it, most of your private mental nastiness involves doing violence of one sort or another. Cornboy has many, MANY violent thoughts in the course of a single day. Like people who say, “..and you know what?” Holy crap, they’re just asking for it! And let’s not forget the overuse of the word “like”, as in “I’m, like, so ready to blow her goddamn head off if she says ‘like’ just one more time!”. These are small bad thoughts, I know.
There are bigger Bad Thoughts. Turning certain large sections of the planet into nice glassy parking lots. That’s bad. Or reading about some stupid fool getting hit by a train for the bazillionth time. I haven’t felt any sympathy for these people in so long I don’t remember what sympathy feels like anymore. I always think, “Yay!”. Or maybe break into a few rousing choruses of “Another One Bites the Dust”. I mentioned this to a friend one day, about a mother of four getting herself and the kiddies squashed by an Amtrak express because she wanted to get to the mall a little earlier. When I let fly with a few heartfelt “Yays” and “Yippees”, this person said I was bad for thinking this way. I didn’t feel bad, I felt good. Exhilarated, you might say.
Bad Thoughts About Religion = Extremely Bad Violent Thoughts. Tell me you’ve found Christ and let him into your heart. Tell me it’s the will of Allah. Tell me I must turn the other cheek. Go ahead…TELL ME ABOUT IT. Do so, and Cornboy will tell you things you never imagined. Cornboy will elevate Bad Thoughts to an art form.
Bad Thoughts About Racism. I didn’t invent racism and no one knows who did. But whoever did invent it must be the Grand Poo-Bah of Bad Thinking. Brotherly love is the polar opposite of racism, or at least this is what the bible would have you believe. Here’s a bad thought for you – there is no such thing as brotherly love (ok, sure, maybe in the Castro). But you know what I’m saying. Scratch anyone and everyone deeply enough and they’ll admit to some seriously bad racist thoughts. I don’t care who it is. They’re lying if they you otherwise. And you’re lying to yourself if you think otherwise. There was a nun back when I was in catholic grammar school, and she always had it in for this Chinese kid. She was always fucking him over, a lot more than she fucked the rest of us. One day the kid exploded on her and asked her why…why are you picking on me? The nun couldn’t talk for a minute, and the kid asked, “Is it because I’m Chinese?” Her mouth said no, but her eyes and her actions said a resounding “Yes!!! YesYesYes, you little chink!” We were pretty sure she hated all ethnicities except the Irish so don’t go all thinking that I’m picking on the Chinese ‘cuz I’m not. But that was one racist nun.
Okay, you get my point. I’ll save the next chapter of Bad Thoughts for a new rant. I’m probably running out of space by now, and “Bad Thoughts About Sodomy” will involve many moments of unrepentant bliss.
Is it a bad thought to wanna watch Santa take turns cornholing those little elves? Which is the worse thought – that it’s Santa and his Elves, and that it’s some gross old fat white dude and a bunch of midgets? We’ll see…
Happy/Merry WhateverTheFuck