George Carlin – 1937 – 2008: I hope reincarnation is a fact so I can come back and fuck teenagers again.

The man cut through and uttered the word bullshit better than anybody who ever lived.

The world just got a littler quieter today and that isn’t a good thing.

 

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live

This is just wrong.

The following words are cruel and unfair:

“From the prequel I am not working on…”

Enjoy the read and buy the collection when it comes out folks, it’s for a good cause.

I’m tryin’ real hard to be a shepherd

I’m gonna make this one brief – but if you’re a bloated, drunk, pasty Bostonian, you can get buttfucked by Curt Schilling and his infinite wisdom here.

Lucky winners will get a money shot.

I know professional athletes can be useless, but this shit is just fucking ridiculous.

For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius

YFNDB is feeling rather prickly today and thought he’d offer up his opines on a varied amount of topics.

Be cool.

* * *

Jessica Alba. Ah. I could play this game all day.

Books. Fuck Kindle. Reading a book is the easiest thing to do – unless your public-school educated or have an IQ under 100 (so once again, most likely public-school educated). So in theory, maybe this isn’t so easy for folks. Anyway, for those that can read, all you need is well-lighted place and a comfy spot to park your ass.

Gay Marriage. Anyone and everyone should be allowed to fuck, tickle, tie-up and marry any consenting adult they want to. It’s astounding that the people who oppose gay marriage are the same narrow-minded knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers who’d butt-slam their first cousin while praising Jesus.

Corn. Don’t like corn, well, then you can answer to Cornboy. Corn is king baby!

Grey Goose Martinis. Makes the world a better place.

Guitar Players. It’s outstanding that Corinne Bailey Rae and KT Tunstall are leading the charge of guitar playing ladies. Guitar players always have been, and will be cool. No one brings a fuckin’ tuba to the beach and gets laid. “Musicians” can sample and use Pro Tools all they want, but the warm sound coming from an acoustic guitar will always be the shit.

Violent video games. How else are those of us who work/have worked in shitty-ass corporate environments supposed to decompress and get back to normal? Ain’t enough drink in the world to wipe away a bad week of work. But a good stompin’ sure does fix the soul.

The city of Los Angeles. Don’t like LA, tough. LA is cool and always has been. If it weren’t for LA, people would be watching boring-ass PBS docos and Woody Allen angst-filled films all the time. And who cares if LA is shallow. People want to look pretty – ok by me, better than looking at folks trying to achieve that “Haight-Ashbury” chic.

Dodgers and Lakers. Bay Area sports teams blow donkey-nuts right now (heh, heh, heh). Between St. Joe and Kobe, things are all right.

Live concerts where musicians actually play music. Great music + groovin’ crowd + a little bit of drink = recipe for sex. Nothing wrong with this.

Indiana Jones. Yeah, there’s a chance this is gonna suck, but I’m still geekin’ to see it.

Joss Whedon. Doughy self-indulgent douche bag isn’t he? If Eliza Dushku is going to be in anything called “The Dollhouse”,  she better have pigtails, dressed in PVC and holding a cat of nine tails.

American Idol. I’m tired of these soulless nutsacks warbling crappy-ass music. Apparently American Idol is only important to those who don’t/can’t read.

Ted Kennedy. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I can hear every Mic in this country cryin’ into their pint glasses right now.

Political Pundits. Folks are gonna vote how they want to, no matter what the “trends” or “data” say. Talk about people who think what they do is important.

Amy Winehouse. Just fuckin’ die already.

CHUD.com. Total blowjob of a website. Stick to AICN and Dark Horizons.

Oh, and the two biggest lies the world…

The check is in the mail.
I won’t cum in your mouth.

It’s time to win a chance to butt-bang your daughter’s tight virgin cherry ass

Fuck on a stick.

What am I supposed to say about the ninth annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball?

That’s right, you read that correctly. Father-Daughter Purity Ball.

This, uttered by all the fathers sums it up: “before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity.”

Ah huh.

This is another great blurb: “Fathers, our daughters are waiting for us”… “They are desperately waiting for us in a culture that lures them into the murky waters of exploitation. They need to be rescued by you, their dad.”

Question: How many of these young ladies do you think need protectin’ from good ol’ daddy?

As a parent, this a grade A noodle-baker.

Here’s the article for further reading enjoyment.

Somewhere around 25, bizarre becomes immature

Things are just fuckin’ weird right now – not sure where this hard-on for the 90’s is coming from.

We have a Clinton in the political spotlight.

Bad Lieutenant is being remade. Ok. I guess. No, change of mind. It has Nic Cage. Not ok.

A Point Break sequel is in the works. Not ok. Without Keanu going: “You crossed the line. People trusted you and they died. You gotta’ go down.” It’s not going to be the same.

There’s a Clone, I mean, a Stone Temple Pilots reunion tour happening.

What’s left, a Courtney Love/Hole rebirth and a Reality Bites 15 Years Later movie? Jeezuz.

I understand nostalgia and the affinity for certain memories – but at least revisit something worthwhile and cool.

What we need is a new Bill & Ted movie. And don’t start on me haters – the first one still kicks ass and the world could use this right about now.

In no discernable order, here are few decent things the 90’s spawned:
Pearl Jam
Dave Matthews Band
Shivaree
Liz Phair (still bakes my noodle)
Se7en
Singles (“I was just… *nowhere near* your neighborhood”…Best Line Ever)
Army of Darkness
Harry Potter
Age of Empires and Diablo (many, many hours of my life lost to these games…)

* * *
Other not-so-intelligent musings:

As Cornboy once asked: “What is it about corn?” To this day, there is no answer. I got nothin’ folks. Seriously, I got nothin’. Anyone want to chime in?

There are two things that are truly funny in this world:
Something is funny because it is.
Something is funny because it’s not happening to you.

The more you stir a bucket of shit, the worse it smells.

That’s it kids. Enjoy the heat.

Your birth is a mistake you’ll spend your whole life trying to correct

The world needs to stop pissing me off.  Goddammit stupid shit is just out of control right now.

Fuckstick of the week goes to Billy Ray Cyrus. It’s bad enough that he’s trying to have the same hair style as Miley, but it’s pretty loathsome that he’s pimping her out so he can bag an underage, toothless, redneck country-music listener on the set of “Hannah Montana”. If he had any decency, he’d just go and pay for what he wants. I know this really isn’t important, but as a parent, it just fuckin’ reeks.

Also, what don’t they get about working for Disney? You don’t piss off the mob and you don’t piss off Disney. Jeezez. The mob busts heads and Disney busts careers. Morons, all of them.

Oh, and does anyone care these days if you have your picture taken Annie Leibovitz?

I’m curious what’s in the water at Disney that turns all these “wholesome” girls into twat-bearing role models gone bad? Mickey Mouse spunk maybe?

* * *

Other shit that’s irritating me to no end is this sense of entitlement emanating from the state of Massachusetts. It’s started with the Red Sox, continued with Patriots and now it’s in full-tilt (again) over the Celtics. Fuck that. The best thing to come out of this area in a long time is “The Departed” – and that was made by an Italian. So how do you like ‘dem fuckin’ apples?

You’re fighting a losing battle there, dear

I dig Harry Potter as much as the next guy – and this particular blog plays with a lot of the themes, but Jeezez, Steven Vander Ark needs to get a life and quit acting like a Grade-A fuckstick. Getting hard over spell etymology or planning to work as a guide for a travel company giving Harry Potter-themed tours in Europe is just fuckin’ pathetic.

When not sobbing on the stand (fuck me freddy), Vander Ark states that he was leery of publishing his lexicon, but was “talked into it” by the publisher. Bullshit. RDR gave a big fat check, bent him over and now look what’s happening.

The only individual who should be putting a Harry Potter lexicon together is J.K. herself. Not some loser turd from Michigan – yeah, that’s right – same fuckin’ numbnut state that mucked up a Democratic presidential primary.

I like how J.K. has handled this. I dig her threat of not doing her own lexicon if a jerkoff like Vander Ark is allowed to do his. Let the masses deal with this greedy little pig for her.

I respect that.

It may not be J.K. shoes embedded in Vander Ark’s nuts, but the effect will still be the same.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us

If you feel insignificant, small, useless…well, it’s because you are.

 

Bring out yer dead

Hate shopping?

Don’t know how to pick out an original gift for someone?

Sick of malls?

Well, this will solve yer problems.

I don’t schill for a lot of things, but this site is outstanding.

Fuck Walmart, Macys, and Circuit City.

Visit the LA Coroner’s Gift Shop and get someone a unique and original gift.

Cheers.